Forget Disneyland, with its endless lines and over-the-top characters: a new attraction is coming to town, and it’s so compelling you’ll be planning a second coming. The New Testament Experience, presented by the controversial Museum of the Bible in Washington, DC, opens to the public tomorrow, March 29, offering guests the most exciting three-part experience since Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
The so-called “immersive experience” doesn’t appear to involve virtual reality (VR) or other immersive elements, at least according to an online customer representative who clarified via chat that it’s “like watching a movie.” According to information shared by the press team of the Museum of the Bible, the first part is called “Prologue” and will guide visitors through the early biblical history of Jesus. This “prophetic backstory,” which includes an overview of Creation and the Garden of Eden, is what some may call the “Old Testament” and others the “Torah,” but some Bible worshipers like to think of it that way. The warped scrolling text at the beginning of Star Wars before all the cool stuff happens.
Just in time for Easter, the second part, “The Story”, consists of an original short film depicting the content of Luke 24, a biblical passage also known as “The Road to Emmaus”. Fresh from the grave, Jesus appears to passengers on the road and constantly talks to them about the good news that the prophecy is true, thus proving that even before the automobile it was possible to be the world’s worst Lyft driver. As a trailer for the film suggests, it will be everything it promises Passion of Christ (2004), minus the budget, the practical effects, and the stinky atmosphere of his association with Mel Gibson. So only Christ, above all. As of this writing, the trailer has amassed 120 views on YouTube; I smell early Oscar buzz!
Finally, the third part, the “Epilogue,” really drives home the message that Jesus is returning, if no aspect of Christianity has impressed that point on us. The press materials do not specify how this part of the experience is structured, so it can be assumed that it follows the traditional pattern of harsh indoctrination of free thinking and shame-based punishment (after potion and companionship). Or at least that’s how it can be seen that the chairman of the museum’s board of directors is Christian conservative Steve Green, the chairman of Hobby Lobby craft stores, known for denying workers access to contraceptives.
Of course, you won’t want to limit your visit. The New Testament Experience is just one offer of the Bible Museum, located “a few steps” from the World of Jesus of Nazareth, an interactive interpretation of the first century town. There are also special collections, among others Celebrating the Bible in Women’s History, which mostly features pictures of women and their Bibles (AS IT SHOULD BE). You can look for overnight accommodation at the nearby Bethlehem Motel, but it seems to be almost always booked.
